Thursday, July 21, 2016

Laundry





I do not enjoy housework. I do love laundry.

It was a privilege bestowed on me at the age of three. Mom led me down the wooden stairs to our basement, past the potato bin filled with creepy spider-leg-like growths sprouting from the spuds, and into the corner where the white wringer washer stood.

“I need your help,” she stated. “I will pass the washed clothes through the rolling wringers and you can catch them on the other side. But be careful! Don’t let your fingers get caught!”

I concentrated as hard as I could, grasping every article of clothing with a preschooler’s determined precision, and passing each back to Mom for a second round.

“Thanks for helping me with the laundry,” she stated.

I beamed.

At age five, ironing was allowed. Shaking distilled water from the turquoise blue Tupperware container, I dampened Dad’s clean hankies and ironed with care. The steam rose as I pressed each one flat, then folded it in half, pressed again, and then a final fold, with steam rising. The red polka-dot rectangle was perfect every time.

“Don’t burn your fingers,” warned Mom. And I never did. At least I never admitted to it because I was so eager to graduate to tea towels and pillowcases.

When I was eight, I was tall enough to hang the freshly washed laundry on the clothesline in the back yard. Mom instructed me to hang shirts by their tails, and to share clothespins between underwear pairs. There were a limited number of the spring-loaded pins in the bucket. “Don’t run out,” Mom directed, “we need to dry everything completely. The dryer doesn’t make the clothes smell as nice as the fresh air does.”  Every time I climbed into my cool crisp bed, I knew what she meant. The prairie wind permeated the cotton sheets.

I dozed and dreamed of tranquil days.

When I turned sixteen, it was time to get a summer job. My first choice was the laundry at the Selkirk Mental Health Centre. In my assigned white uniform dress, I worked beside women that had made this job their career. They taught me how to press sheets in the massive rollers, and, like Mom, cautioned me to watch my fingers. I learned how to fold linens with precise teamwork. And if a few items came through still soiled, we tossed them back to the men to rewash. On Monday mornings, the weekend’s pile of dirty clothes, collected from the residents of the hospital, reeked of body waste and stale cigarettes. But by the end of the day, the stench was replaced with steamy freshness and we all knew we had done a good job for the residents of that intimidating institution. I spent three stifling sweaty summers there.

I loved it.




At twenty-six, I became a mom. I lived in a low rent townhouse in Henrico County, Virginia. Each home had a washing machine in the kitchen, and the complex provided rows and rows of communal clotheslines. With limited funds and a hippie’s perspective on natural birth and parenting, I chose cloth diapers for my baby. As he stained the white muslin mustard yellow, I worried that I might not be able to properly clean his wraps, but the cheap kitchen washer and the blazing Virginia sun bleached every diaper back to perfection.

I was the best mom ever.

And now I stand at the clothesline strung between two oak trees in my yard. I hang up my first grandchild’s diapers. They are fitted, colourful creations. No clumsy pins or stiff plastic pants are needed. These one-piece bottoms snap to fit any size baby. They are adorable. They are his. I handle them with care.

What a lucky grandmother I am.

I don’t care for housework.

But doing the laundry for others…is love.







©Conni Cartlidge    July 2016

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Love Won





We sat around the kitchen table, discussing our strategies for marching in the Steinbach Pride Parade.  My friends and I had neon pink poster boards and multi-coloured markers, ready to create slogans that expressed our anger and frustration with the local politicians and school division of the southern Manitoba region. The public representatives were avoiding and denouncing the rights of the LGBTTQ* children and adults in their community. Our initial ideas were snarky and sarcastic. With online death threats being hurled at one of my friends, we were not feeling particularly kind.

As we talked, the horrific Orlando shootings were on my mind. But it was the individual personal experiences that moved me to reconsider my approach to the people of Steinbach.


Storming Steinbach!

I remembered the one boy in my high school in the 1970s that was teased daily for being a “fag”…the common slur of the times. He always seemed to be crying. I was aware but naïve. I shrugged my shoulders and walked away.

I thought about the sociology research paper I wrote in 1979 at the University of Winnipeg. It was a study of the effects of same-sex parents on children’s development. There was little information in the library stacks. No internet yet. I studied legal custody cases trying to find answers. In the end, my research uncovered no negative effects unless the parents were addicted or abusive: common findings for all families.

With utmost sadness, I recalled one trans teen’s victimization at the hands of school bullies, challenging each other to kick their classmate in the crotch every day for one hundred days. Just for fun.

When I took ally training with the Rainbow Resource Centre at the college I worked at, I learned that the institution was historically considered an unsafe space for LGBTTQ* students and I felt a little sick.

My petite daughter shared with me that, living in Toronto, she walks closely with her seven-foot tall drag queen friend, to offer support and protection from cruel harassment.

I considered the parents in Steinbach who only wanted their child to be respected by teachers and classmates. This family eventually left town. I wonder what that does to a child.


Steinbach rainbows.

And I am shocked by the hatred aimed at the friend sitting with me at my dining room table…a person full of life and humour and compassion for others. But he is gay. He is a target.


Messages.


So how did we face Steinbach Pride?

Without nasty slogans.

Without fear.

The online haters did not show their faces in real time with real people.


Glitter!


I walked for some people I love. I don’t want them to be hurt anymore.


We marched in solidarity with the families of Steinbach who choose to care.

The conservative streets were overflowing with rainbows and welcomes.

With glitter and applause.


Love won.




Love won.





©Conni Cartlidge                        July 2016