The Dementor

Dementia

The dementor

Feeds on his happiness

Tangles up his brain

Sucks his soul.

Can the memory of my loving childhood

Be the patronus charm

That fights this despair?

©Conni Cartlidge, 2015

Grown-Ups Read Things They Wrote as Kids: Camp Wapatek 1968

 Inspired by the CBC project “Grown-Ups Read Things They Wrote as Kids”, these are my letters and photos from Anglican Island’s Camp Wapatek. I attended for one week when I was eleven years old.

Before the confusion of adolescence and addictions.

Before the understanding of feminism and atheism.

An awkward innocent time.

Some scenery on an island near Camp Wapatek. July/68

July 6/68

(Mon.)  (Sat.)

Dear Mom & Dad,

I’m having a pretty good time here. The girls are pretty nice here, although there are a few sickening ones. The name of our cabin is Harding. Our cabin counsellor is called “Old Yeller”.  She’s nice but can’t handle some of the kids. I’ll write to you tomorrow.

(Sun.)

It is 12:05 in the (morning) afternoon and I am ready to go to breakfast and then on to church. I just got back from peeling potatoes. Ugh!!!! These are the names of the people in my cabin:

1.    Marybeth (Mouse)

2.    Karen (Old Yeller)

3.    Kally (Kally)

4.    Jane (Giggles)

5.    Judi (Chips)

6.    Valerie (Fuzzy)

7.    Kathleen (Snoopy)

8.    Karen (Ka Cey)

I just got back from church. It is called the Outdoor Chapel. I had my first wine in church today. I’m really having a great time now. Jane and I are best of friends. We are going to write to each other when we get home. I will write to you this afternoon. (By the way I’m not very homesick.)

This is the camp’s cheer:

Chihee, Chiha, Chiha, Chihee

We are the gang from the A.S.C.,

For our camp we all are fans,

We’ll tell the world we’re the Anglicans!

A-N-G-L-I-C-A-N-S

Haroo! Harah! Huray!

Write back soon. Sorry about the sloppy writing & mixed-up letter.

Love from,

Conni

P.S. I got my camp crest.

The Anglicana with some campers in it. 1968

Mon.

Dear Mom & Dad,

I’m having a great time at camp. I hope Shirley & Neil’s baby is doing fine. Lucky Nancy gets to stay at Auntie Alice’s. Boy! My bus trip was fine. (I got my camp crest.) We got to camp by noon just in time for a scrumptious lunch. The weather is pretty good but today it is pretty cool. When I had swimming lessons today they told me to jump off the dock into 8 ft. deep water. I did so and got all choked up. I could hardly breathe. The teachers pulled me out and told me to go and get some warm clothes on. I did. Mrs. Warren came over and asked me if I was all right, and talked to me. I really like her. Tonight there is going to be a dance. On the first night we stayed up till 3:30 in the morning. We had a ball. The next day Old Yeller got sick and everybody was sure she would have to leave. Were we scared! Fortunately she didn’t have to leave. I hear it’s sort of lonely without kids around. Boy!, wait till I get home. One of the activities I’m in is Charm School! Boy, do I need it. I’ll write to Thora on my last letter so I won’t miss anything! Well I better go now.

Love from,

Conni

P.S. Thanks for the nice letter.

P.S.S. Sorry about the sloppy writing.

My good old cabin "Harding".  July/68

Thurs.

Dear Mom & Dad,

I am a little homesick and am looking forward to coming home. There is only one kind of postcard here but I will buy that one today at tuck. Today we are going to another island and going hiking and swimming. I have a surprise for you which I made in crafts. I am enclosing my letter to Thora, that is why my letter is short. I had better go now. See you on Saturday!

Love from,

Conni

Me on the island we had our picnic on. A double exposure. July/68

Disappeared

Two friends disappeared this year.

One retired and died in the winter. The other retired and died in the summer.

Anne was kind, gentle, soft-spoken. Always a smile to share.

Dawne was fierce, powerful, tough. With wisdom to pass on to others.

They are gone now.

In my retirement, opportunities are waiting for me.

I can become a foster parent, providing a welcoming home for vulnerable children.

This would make Anne happy.

I have been accepted into the University of Surrey in England where I can earn my law degree. I can fight for human rights.

Dawne would approve.

I can do anything I want.

Perhaps nothing for a while.

I will celebrate my stupid luck. I am alive.

In my retirement I will try to honour these women.

Disappeared from sight.

But always in my heart.        

                           

School's out.

©Conni Cartlidge, 2015

Two Sides

Trans.

Double mastectomy in July! So excited!

A changed life.

Straight.

Mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. So painful.

A life.

I learn from both.

©Conni Cartlidge, 2015

Advice

“Think before you write!” she called out to me from the backdoor as I skipped off to my grade two math test.

“Think before you write!” she reminded me from the kitchen landing as I stormed off to my grade nine science quiz.

“Think before you write!” she encouraged me through the long distance phone call as I trudged off to my third year cognitive psychology exam.

“Think before you write!”

Her voice in my head as I prepare classes, mark assignments, document behaviours, complete application forms.

“Think before you write!”

Her voice in my heart as I compose newspaper notices of celebration and sadness, create letters of love, pen life stories, sign my name.

As I write.

I think.

Thanks Mom.

 

Mom & me.

©Conni Cartlidge, 2015

#DearMe

My letter to my younger self for International Women’s Day 2015:

Dear Conni,

It is nice to have manners. Saying please and thank you at the dinner table, opening doors for others, apologizing if you mess up…. courtesy for those around you can go a long way in promoting kind respect.

But know this…sometimes you should not be polite! You should be downright rude.

Do not say, “yes please” to the old man offering you a glass of vodka. And a kiss. When you are fourteen. March out the door and slam it in his face. And then tell somebody you trust what he has done.

Do not say, “I’m sorry” to the person that slaps you across the face. When you have been hurt, scream and rant. Whenever you need to. And you will need to sometimes.

Do not allow harmful people into your life because you feel socially obligated. Some folks are just plain nasty. You do not have to try and fix them. It’s okay to say, “no, you are not welcome here.”

Walk on the grass.

Disagree with teachers.

Stand up.

Speak your mind.

Say no. Without explanation or apology.

Manners. Use only as needed.

Love always,

Young Conni

Conni




















©Conni Cartlidge, 2015

Raven: A True Story

She’s got a bad reputation.

Dressed in morbid black

Squawking

She doesn’t know when to shut up.

A tough old bird.

On a harsh winter morning

She follows me

As I storm down the back road

Seething.

Her calls catch me

And I stop in my tracks.

“What do you want?”

She tilts her head

With curiosity

“Hello!”

“Hello?”

“Who are you?”

“Who are you?”

Cackling

She swoops past me

A dark slash of laughter

Against the snow.

Judgements don’t matter.

It’s all a game.

Life is silly.

I plunk down in a deep drift and chuckle.

©Conni Cartlidge, 2015