This is written in response to the More Like Me in ECE initiative, in which Early Childhood Educators who represent gender diversity in the field, share their photo and pronouns. I suggested the conversation could be expanded to parents/grandparents/caregivers of children being raised beyond the binary. In turn, I was challenged to write about my experience. Here it is.
Who Needs More Like Me in ECE?
I’m a privileged, white, straight, cis boomer. There are lots of us in ECE. But give me a minute to share my story.
When I was studying child development and sociology in the 1970s, I came across three little books in a series called The Gender Gap. I found them at the brand new, alternative bookstore, Prairie Sky Books. I liked them because they had cartoony pictures and simple language…a nice break from my university texts. I read them because they were very readable! A lot of the content focused on workplace wage gaps. But there was more than just the money issue. There were all the gender-based expectations and limitations placed on people in our society. And all the hopes and predictions of parents, based on the shape of their baby’s genitals.
As I began my career in Early Childhood Education, I worked hard at providing all kinds of play materials for all children. Boys could play with dolls and girls could play with trucks. As a parent, I did the same. I felt progressive.
I hadn’t yet learned about pronouns. I didn’t know what a “binary” was. Or that there was anything beyond it.
But now I’m a grandparent of four; one boy, two girls, and one child who has not yet decided what their gender will be. When each of those babies was born, people said, “Congratulations! A boy or a girl?” And with three of my grandchildren, I announced their assigned gender. But with my fourth, I said, “they’re a healthy baby!” or “their parents aren’t assigning a gender” or “they haven’t decided yet” and people nodded and scanned the child quickly to see what they were wearing. If the child wore sparkly pink sandals, people assumed she. If the child was bundled in a brown snowsuit, people assumed he. And when I used they/them pronouns for my grandchild, people asked where the other baby was.
There is confusion. There are misunderstandings. Mistakes are made. But I’m here to say, it’s not that difficult. As a four-year-old recently stated, “we can be girls or boys or theys!”…or maybe some other wonderful being that we could never imagine! We are so indoctrinated into the categories we have learned, that we limit the pure potential of children. I don’t want to return to the 1970s! I’m excited to watch my grandchildren grow in unlimited directions.
So to all the wonderful ECEs out there, question your assumptions. Check pronouns….and share yours! Listen to the children and their caregivers. Maybe we can all move beyond the binary.
Someone recently asked me if my toddler grandchild had chosen their gender yet.
Nope. They only care about me singing Row Row Row Your Boat over and over and over.
And that they can wear yellow pants because yellow pants are the best.
Note: Thank you for the minute. Thank you to my family for sharing their experiences and helping me understand. For some additional beautiful insights, follow @alokvmenon on Instagram.
Conni Cartlidge, BA, ECE lll (she/her)
Treaty 1
February 2024
